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Archive for July, 2009

Sorry for the random Bon Jovi reference. I’m not even sure where that came from. But what I am sure of – what’s making my little producer heart do a happy dance right now – is that we have reached the halfway point in our fundraising goal for the movie trailer! I’m happy that we’ve come this far, but a little bit stressed that we haven’t got much time to get to the other side.

Halfway is great. Halfway gets something done. But it doesn’t get everything done. Halfway is a silent movie. But we want Something Worth Waiting For to be one of those new-fangled talkies. We’re actually also thinking about using color.

I’m extending my DEEPEST thanks to those of you who have already given. And I’m asking those of you who have been putting it off to go ahead and donate today. You see the link over there to the right. The yellow button. Go ahead and click it. You know you wanna.

Here’s to a color film with music and dialogue!

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The results from last week’s survey are in and once again, very eye opening about Singles and the Church. 66% of the people surveyed said that they feel like an outsider at church because of their singleness, and 89% said that they do not feel the church adequately addresses the issues that singles face. There were some very interesting comments on the survey as well. Some said that singles are “tolerated” in church and are treated as “subordinates” to married people. Many people said the church does not provide a safe environment where singles can share what’s really on their heart, but instead they provide “pat answers” to serious questions.

Hey folks…I don’t know about you, but I think we might have a little bit of a problem within the Body…  I think I might be very fortunate in some ways in that the church I attend now is predominately single. So outside of the fact that we rarely have any messages geared toward singles, there are plenty of events that are geared toward singles. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt like an outsider at church per se because of my singleness, although I can definitely see how people could feel that way. I can recall feeling like an outsider in society in general when people assume that I have nothing better to do with my time because I don’t have any family obligations.

But I definitely can relate to the feeling that the church does not adequately address the issues that singles face. 100% of the people who took the survey said they think it’s appropriate to talk about love and sexuality in the church, but I’ve never heard any churches or singles ministry address this without cliches. When I started writing Something Worth Waiting For 8 years ago, I got to a point where if I heard one more person talk about being content with singleness I thought I was gonna scream. At the time I wasn’t content. I was lonely. But I wouldn’t dare say that in church because what would follow would be a bunch of scriptures and advice about Jesus being my husband.

And we’ve mentioned before how Christian singles are neglected in the movie world, which is why we’re making this movie…But it all makes me wonder, if this many singles are unhappy with God, and if this many singles are feeling neglected at church, are they really being ministered to? How can one effectively preach to a demographic of people who have this on their mind, while their concerns are being ignored?

So the big question is what do we do about it? A couple of people mentioned how small groups are helpful with giving singles a safe place to express themselves. They definitely helped me out. But what do you think? What should churches and society do to adequately address singles so that they don’t feel like second-hand citizens? Those of you that have good experiences with being single at your church, share those as well…

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Have you ever felt so excited about something that you thought you were going to burst? That is exactly how I feel! We have had an AMAZING week and I wanted to share with you all the progress that we’ve been making with the film “Something Worth Waiting For.” Let me tell you what’s been happening!

Well, for starters, we’ve been getting a TREMENDOUS amount of hits to this website especially this past week with postings like “Why Do I Want to Get Married?” and “My Issues With Singles Ministry.” People are contributing to the conversations through comments on the blog and participating in the surveys. In a short period of time we’ve gained over 300 fans on Facebook from ALL OVER THE WORLD!! People are joining from France, Turkey, London, Australia, South Africa, the Caribbean and other countries. This is particularly exciting to us because who knew that this film would have such a broad impact. What a blessing! We also had a meeting this week with our soon-to-be cinematographer and production designer that went extremely well. We’re also close to securing our lead actress! I can’t go into full details yet, but I will let you know that she is a dancer and she recently played a role in the Brad Pitt movie “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.”

So things are happening! But we have one huge hurdle to cross right now. We are trying to raise $5000 by August 1, 2009 so that we can shoot a 2-minute trailer for the film this September. Judging from the responses we’ve been getting, we believe that this is a much-needed film that will minister to singles, and this trailer will be used to introduce the film to potential investors.

$5,000. Let me break that down. All we need is 200 people to give $25. Or…

20 people to give $100,
20 people to give $50,
50 people to give $25, and
50 people to give $15

Are you one of the 20? Are you one of the 50? Giving online is the fastest and most direct way to give, and it’s super quick, easy and secure! Just click on the Donate button over on the right side of the page. You will be taken to our safe, secure “Something Worth Waiting For” Giving Page and you can make your donation there.

We cannot do this without your help! Thank you so much for your support, God bless you and keep spreading the word about Something Worth Waiting For!

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I was in my late 20’s when I started realizing that I had some problems with single’s ministry. I don’t know, something about the fact that 30 was right around the corner made the reality of my singleness hit me like a ton of bricks. I had a ton of questions because I felt like things were changing. When I was 22 and fresh out of college it was easy to say that I was enjoying my singleness. It was easy to say that I had no problems saving myself for marriage because I had Jesus and that was enough.

But the closer I got to the big 3-0 I became increasingly aware of the fact that:

  1. My church heavily pushed marriage (which is a good thing, churches should promote marriage) but the downside of that for me was that I often felt like an outsider because I wasn’t part of the club and I felt like it wasn’t my fault.
  2. I was frustrated and disappointed about my singleness. Disappointed that I hadn’t found someone by now. Frustrated that I’d have to continue this celibacy thing for God knows how much longer of my life.
  3. I was frustrated because I felt like I had no one to talk to openly and honestly about my feelings.

Of course, there was single’s ministry. Ah yes, single’s ministry. The place for pat answers to complex concerns, the place where mostly women come together to discuss how happy and content they were with their singleness. Well, that was how I perceived my experience at the time anyway…

Now as a 30-something attending a single’s group at my church, instead of getting pat answers to questions, we just don’t talk about it at all. Which is a good thing, I guess. Since we’re supposed to be content and all…It recently dawned on me that I attend a church where attendance is majority single adults and I never, for the 4 years that I’ve been there, recall hearing a sermon geared toward singles. There have been several geared toward married couples. And we don’t have a single’s ministry per se, we do have singles groups but that’s mainly for socializing.

Well, thank God for my old small group. We used to get pretty raw with talking about our disappointments and frustrations as well as our triumphs and successes in regards to our singleness and other life issues. Thanks to them I think I was able to find a good balance between living in contentment and reality, and gained a little bit of peace about it all. I guess I should give singles ministry a break. They do the best they can. I think a lot of churches don’t quite know what to do with the singles because we have so many different age groups and different situations (never been married, divorced, single parents, etc.) that have different needs.

But it got me to thinking–what are other people’s experiences with single’s ministry? Has it been a good one or can it use some improvement in certain areas? Does the church provide an open environment for singles to talk about their experiences? Share your thoughts with us in this week’s survey “Singleness and the Church.” I promise it’ll only take a few minutes! We’ll post a summary of the results next week. Look forward to hearing from you! Here’s the link to the survey again:

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I know that question is eerily similar to Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married?” but I promise it has nothing to do with that. I was stuck in traffic on the way home today and as usual my mind started to wander. I took full advantage of the opportunity to contemplate the sad state of my love life. Today’s main attraction in my mind was the lament of “the one that got away.” Tall. Striking. Smart. Loved the same off-the-wall stuff I love. By the time I figured out how special he was, he’d already moved on. *Sigh.* So naturally this thought pattern led where it always leads: a pitiful prayer.

I’m not generally someone who is pitiful when she prays. I love the activity and the efficacy of prayer. I can yell at the top of my lungs in intercession for the nations, for my friends, even for this movie. But if/when I pray about dating and marriage, my prayers become unsure, quiet, short. They’re pitiful prayers.

So, sitting in my car this afternoon, I had just opened my mouth to utter one of these pitiful prayers and I felt the Lord ask me, “Why do you want to get married?” I was a little bit stumped for a second. I thought the answers to that question would be obvious. Companionship. Romance. Sex. But the inherent selfishness of those responses made me too embarrassed to utter them in a prayer. I immediately understood why those prayers of mine had been so pitiful. They were rooted in selfishness. I wasn’t asking for something for the betterment of humanity. I was just asking for something that I thought might increase my happiness. But it also might not. God knows that better than I do.

So all evening I’ve been asking myself that question. Why do I want to get married? And I’m not looking for fluffy, warm-and-fuzzy, white dress and bouquet, rom-com reasons why. I’m looking for honest, heartfelt, prayer-worthy reasons why.

What about you? Why do you want to get married?

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Well, with all this talk about singles being mad at God and everything, I thought I’d lighten things up a little bit with some real talk about what it’s like to date in this crazy world.

So where’s a busy, successful woman supposed to find good men around here, anyway? Now that I’m single again, I find myself spending a lot of my time at the TV station, so I decided maybe the best way to meet some eligible bachelors would be to take it to cyberspace.

Who would’ve known that the world of online dating can be just as hard and just as pathetic as trying to meet people in person? You go to some sites and there’s an abundance of Christian men who just aren’t very interesting (kinda like in church) and then you go to other sites and there are lots of interesting men who aren’t necessarily Christians (like in the world).  I already learned my lesson about dating non-Christians (you’ll have to see that story for yourself once the movie comes out 🙂 so of course I’m looking for a Christian man. But I just don’t know what the problem is. Maybe my Christian brothers just don’t know how to represent themselves well in a digital world. So I figured I’d give my brethren a little bit of advice on how to put their best foot forward when representing themselves online:

1) Make yourself sound interesting. I know we all want a godly man who goes to church and reads his Bible and everything, but contrary to what you might think, we do actually like men to have other interests besides reading the Bible. Do ya like music? Working out? Writing? Reading? Eating french fries? SOMETHING? There’s nothing more annoying or boring than reading someone’s profile and the only things they can list under the three most important things in their life is God, their Bible and their pastor.

2) Post flattering pictures. And notice I say pictureS–plural. Don’t just put one picture up there that you took on your cell phone where the lighting is bad, the quality is grainy and the camera is all in your grill. We like to see multiple pictures of you and we want to see you looking your best. Also, please, do away with the pictures from the 1984 Christmas party at your parents’ house.

3) And speaking of pictures. Once again, we know how important church is to you and all, but all of your pictures don’t have to be of you in your church suit. We’d like to know that you have a social life that exists outside of church.

4) Oh and also with the pictures. Stop posting pictures of yourself with no shirt on. That’s just a little bit too much information to be sharing so early and on the internet at that.

5) And speaking of church. Stop pushing your church attendance as your only means to trump other men, i.e. “Women keep saying they want a good man. Well, I’m a good man because I go to church every Sunday and I read my Word everyday.” While I’m sure those things probably do make you admirable, I have met many a man who went to church and read their Bible who just weren’t the right man for me. Once again, we women are more likely to become attracted to you because of your other common interests, not just because you read the Bible.

6) Proofread. There’s nothing that’s more of a turnoff than a profile with terrible punctuation and grammar. Sure, we all misspell a word or two here and there. But when your whole profile is chock full of typos–just no.

7) Tags. Try to stay away from taglines like “I’ll be your chocolate drop.” Or “I’m the best thing you’ve ever laid eyes on.” Sometimes modesty is the best policy and it goes a long way.

8) Oh, and back to the pictures. I had to mention this–don’t post pictures of yourself with other women unless you clarify that it’s your sister or a relative. I once saw someone’s profile picture where the guy was sandwiched in between the boobs of not one but two different women. REALLY, dude??? Just not a good look…

Well, those are some of my pet peeves. What about you? What ticks you off about online dating?

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Just wanted to post some interesting findings from last weeks survey:

Question 1: Do you ever get angry with God because he hasn’t given you a spouse?

Yes – 53%

No – 47%

Question 2: Do you think a single person should be active in the process of finding a spouse — or should they leave it all up to God?

A little bit of both – 82%

Should be active – 18%

Question 3: Do you ever find yourself asking God questions such as “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Am I not married because of past mistakes?

Sometimes – 65%

Always – 18%

Never – 18%

Question 4: Do you sometimes worry if being content in your singleness means you’re giving up your desire to get married?

Yes  – 41%

No – 59%

Question 5: Do you ever find yourself yearning for something more even though you know that God is all you need?

Sometimes – 59%

Always – 35%

Never – 6%

Question 6: Would you be interested in seeing a film that deals with some of the above questions as it relates to Christians and dating?

Yes – 100%

A new survey comes out next week so stay tuned for Round 2! But big thanks to everyone who participated in this survey. And thanks for your honesty! What are your thoughts about the survey results? I’ve already posted some of my thoughts in Tuesday’s post below and now I’d love to hear your response. Are you surprised by the results?

I know one thing, 100% of the people who took the survey said they would love to see a film that deals with these issues. Well, if you’d love to see the film, please help us make the film! We can’t do it without you! Please consider making a donation today using the link over on the right. Thanks for your support!

Please post your responses to the survey in the Comments section below…

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